Even though it’s the most pathetic thing to do, I still always hope that one day, you’ll wake up and realize how right we were together. How your body fits so right next to mine and how fit our minds were. When will you realize how genuine my love and care are? Probably never… Probably never in a million years will you ever.

Do you ever take a step back and think, “Wow this girl fucking loves the shit out of me no matter how much of a mess I am…” Do you? Because seriously, that’s me and my love in a nutshell. When did I ever want someone this bad? So bad I’m chasing when they don’t want to be chased? Not by me anyway. But, since when did I let a guy take this much space in my heart then my head?

Do you not ever see how much I want to be by your side and support you but how do I when all you want me to be is a friend, one of the many girls you talk to? You talk to others just like this? You make them swoon over you just like this? Then what? Leave just like that? God, to think I was special. And what I had to offer was enough… Han, Han, Han. All the stress and sleep deprivation are truly, surely getting to your head and infecting your heart with delusional thinking.

Do you ever think back to what we had and just think to yourself, “Some people search their entire lives for something like this and I just tossed it away…” Do you? Do you understand how painful it is to hear, “I didn’t realize that’s what I wanted.” It came off as, “I didn’t realize you were not what I was looking for until I met someone who is.” Basically like, “I found what I was looking for, here, go away, you’re dismissed. Oh, and everything we had was just because I didn’t know what I wanted. Now I do and it’s not you.” God, that hurt. Especially when it was everything I ever wanted.

How was it so easy for you to dismiss me and your feelings for me when it’s not working out that way for me…?